Today I received something in my inbox that spoke deeply to my heart….because for the past several weeks it is almost exactly what has been written in my journal. I will share it at the end of the post.
In the fall No. 1 Son went off to China. Several years ago when I helped him pack for one week of summer camp… I knew. I knew it would be the first of many letting go’s. He’s like me….he loves adventure, and travel, learning new things, and being exposed to all kinds of people in all kinds of places. We’ve always been kindred spirits in that way.
But the China trip was the first big trip without us…and it was for longer than a week. I wanted to let him go. But I didn’t want to. But I did. And I’m glad.
We’ve always travelled together as a family….and it has been a wonderful launching pad for a budding adventurer. We’ve been able to be there as he learned how to navigate foreign places, big cities, countrysides, planes, trains, taxis, subways. How to handle being out of his comfort zone in a strange place. How to relish and enjoy every minute…and work through the mishaps. We’ve been there with him…showing and teaching. And he’s a good student. It was still hard….that letting go.I wanted to go with him.
I’m told that a good mom works her way right out of job?
When he returned from China he was so excited to give me a present. He had spent hours in a pearl factory in China picking out just the right ones for me. {He’s meticulous with his gifts and always puts his heart in them.} They were expensive. He spent his hard-earned money.
When he went to get his suitcase it had been broken into by a worker at the airport. The insides were a shamble and the pearl necklace and earrings were gone.
Oh, his face. I know how much of his heart he put into that present for me. I mustered up every ounce of self-control I could muster and encouraged him [and reminded myself that murder is a sin]. Thanked him. Â And shared with him how I had learned the same hard lesson when I began to go off on my own: to never put valuables in your checked luggage. That was on the outside….on the inside my eyes slanted, ears became pointed, nostrils flared, fangs grew, and I may or may not have had slobber slinging from my jowls. I’m a mom….and someone had messed with one of mine. Ages of children do not change this Mom Fierceness.
More letting go. For all of his life I have encouraged him. Given him pushes when needed and held him back when needed. {If I ever run into that airport worker…he may need to hold me back! ;)} I know his strengths and I also know his tender spots. I’ve been able to protect those tender spots…physically, tangibly; but over the past year or so I have had to let go and realize I am entering a time of only being able to protect them with prayer. {The  best protection, anyway….but, you know, I’m a Mom. I like to do it myself. I like to see to it.} I will have to work on my trust while letting go….many of my prayers for No. 1 Son lately have been “God, I know YOU will see to it. Thank you.” 🙂
For weeks now I have been sitting down with him filling out college applications. Now that the scholarships, offers, and options are rolling in I realize there will be another big letting go. Even if he stays at the university here….it will be a big letting go. He brings his essays for me to look over….he wants my opinion and corrections. Without even reading them I know they are incredible. He’s a wonderful writer. But he wants to make sure. He says they have to be perfect. I remind him that his excellence is more than enough.
There’s so much more I want to teach him! Did I remember to tell him to always wear black socks with black dress shoes? Have I made sure that he knows the One that he can always run to? Have I taught him how to choose his battles and how to know when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’?
This mom thing. This letting go thing. It’s exciting and hard all at the same time. I mean, can God really take care and protect him better than me, his Mom? Maybe even better?
Oh dear. It is such a wonderful, exciting, hard time!
As a boy-child…..Always by his side….teaching him the ropes…..
As a man-child……Letting him go…….and trusting in the One that created him…….
Here’s the post that spoke my heart:
How to Be the Parent You Want to Be: 40 Things Every Child Must Know Before They Leave HomeÂ
Learning to celebrate the letting go…….while wiping the slobber………
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